Pittsburgh - Baltimore

Offscreen: Terrel Suggs + notepad

My first game as a Steelers fan reminded me a lot of World Cup. Hear me out: it was a low scoring game with a few tantalizing drives that nothing came out of. There were two or three game changing moments that it seemed like it took forever to happen but were completely worth the wait. Fantastic buzz among bar-goers that couldn't be completely harnessed by the game itself; because most of the possession time is spent in the middle of the field, the risk of missing something while talking to your neighbor is remote. The excitement, in both World Cup and Sunday's game,  is over what may happen moreso than what's happening. 

I mean this in a good way. Feel however you may about soccer, World Cup was awesome. Only bitter people deny it; don’t be bitter. People got pregnant because of World Cup. Don’t ask me for evidence, the equation is simple enough – beer + stand around time = pregnant. In 50 year we’ll be trying to figure how to keep Social Security solvent for the South Africa World Cup generation. All of which is to say that I very much like what happens when the Steelers and the Ravens get together. 

Defensive matchups are the perfect combination of edge-of-your-seat play and what I like to call ambient football. When you’re watching ambient football, you can introduce your boyfriend to your girlfriends for the first time, make awkward attempts to include him in the conversation, and then force him out of it the moment your friends appear to be flirting with him (saw it happen). You can take fifteen minutes trying to explain to the guy in the Redskins jersey that while you admire his gangsta for staying out drinking since the 1:00 pm games, it’s not cool to cheer against the house team, especially considering how the Giants humiliated the ‘Skins earlier today (saw it happen). You also have time to harass a guy who’s minding his own business about putting ketchup on his brat instead  mustard, the of one ‘acceptable’ condiment according to some random ass rule (people should mind their own business). 

Ambient football let’s you rub against all that humanity in your midst, as long as you remember one rule: know your themes. 

Themes develop over the course of a game, especially with a team that has as many personalities as the Steelers. They’re catalyzed by a handful of moments (a big play, a bad call, a shift in strategy) and carry on.

I picked out a few from Steelers-Ravens: 

Roethlisberger. What a soldier. He began the game with a broken foot, and then they broke his nose. NBC was generous with the close-ups of blood streaming over his mouth (thanks for that), and every time they did, the expectation was that you stop what you’re doing and commiserate with your neighbor about how much of a beast the guy is. And then of course comes the Say What You Will corollary. In his weekly NFL podcast, Bill Simmons and his guest writer Salvatore ‘Cousin Sal’ Iacono aptly observed that whenever commentators talk about good football players who just happen to be criminals in their spare time, you have to insulate all compliments that you pay them by beginning with say what you will. ‘Say what you will about Roethlisberger’s off-field antics, but this guy leaves it on the field, every time. ' You get the picture. I’d say Roethlisberger, in this particular game, was as say what you will eligible as a player’s ever been.

Roethlisberger’s counterpart, Joe Flacco. After few impressive Baltimore drives that included two absolute bombs to Boldin, you had to wonder whether Flacco was becoming that dude. He’d led his team to 8-3 (maybe led is too strong – he was definitely, verifiably on the team when all eight of those wins happened). He had a nice performance during the Ravens’ win at Pittsburgh earlier in the season. If you’d considered the quarterback position Baltimore’s only missing piece, this was a game that questioned if it's missing after all. Obviously things changed by the end, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

Baltimore linebacker Terrell Suggs is a ninja. I mean that literally. This fool was born in thirteenth century feudal Japan where he was trained to assassinate rival lords. He’s so fast. So relentless. I don’t remember exactly who it was who broke Roehtlisberger’s nose, but if it wasn’t Suggs, it’s only because he got there too late. This guy obviously subscribes to the Leon school of conflict management. His game is downright disrespectful.

Those were the broad themes. At Tortoise and Hare, you’re allowed to flirt and laugh and annoy, but if you’re not watching and prepared to banter about those three things, you’re only distracting us. It also sweetens the juice when you’re able to interpret the action. Take the two standout moments in this game: Late in the fourth quarter, Roethlesberger is being dragged to the ground on what would have been a game ending sack when he just shovels the ball out of bounds. It’s the kind of heady play that commentators love to gush about; in this case, however, Roethlisberger deserved every drop of praise. After being harassed and knocked down all game long, he might have resigned himself to more of the same, but instead did the one thing (in the absence of an open receiver, and there were none) that could keep the drive alive. 

The other, of course, was Polamalu’s strip-blitz. The awesomeness of Troy deciding to get his team the ball back in a cruicial moment and actually doing it aside, unless you’d heard Chris Colinsworth gush about Flacco, and stared in the face of the possibility that there might actually be another stud QB in the division, you can’t appreciate the relief that Steelers fans felt to see Flacco fuck up so royally with the game on the line. 

But who am I talking to, here? Steelers fans have been watching Pittsburgh-Baltimore games for years. They know how the flow of these things. Besides, high-scoring affairs are never far off, if that's what you're itching for. Case in point: next week’s beat down of the Bengals. See you then.

Steelers, We Choose You

The decision's made: We’re riding dirty with the Pittsburgh Steelers for the rest of the season.

You probably had a hunch that it would turn out this way, or maybe I’m just projecting my own hunch onto you. In any case, the decision wasn’t easy. I’m walking away from a lot of teams with a lot of great football yet to play.

Look at the Jets next four games, for instance:

@ Patriots (9-2)

Dolphins (6-5)

@ Steelers (8-3)

@ Bears (8-3)

You just peered into HELL, homie. You think every one of the Jets fans down at 51st State Tavern will survive that stretch? Once they finally lose on of these nail-biters, there’s going to be a riot. Who doesn’t want front seats to a bona fide riot? 

The Eagles. Michael Vick. Funny thing about Vick: he’s popular again. And I don’t mean just with black fans (but yeah –  us, for sure). Whenever I have occasion to take the temperature on his popularity, the people I talk to are, at worst, ambivalent about his success, and more often in awe of what he’s done this season and thirsty to see more. How did this happen?   The man killed dogs for entertainment.  Americans love dogs. I love dogs. And somehow the vast majority of us not only been won over by the reformed Michael Vick but accept that he may be on the verge of being the face of the NFL. 

There are several reasons this has happened.

The price Vick paid for his crimes – his freedom, his fortune, his career as he knew it – was dear enough for most.

     
 He's literally said and done everything right since his conviction – and  done so with sincerity that no one questions.

 He’s been the best player in the League this season. In fact, at age 30 he's significantly better than he was before the dog business. Maybe better isn't the word - he's evolved. Before prison, the prevailing question about Vick was can a QB with his skill set win be considered elite? Know what? Now we'll never know. His skill set has changed, expanded to include the full passing package -- short routes, bombs, play-action flicks. The threat of his running game sets up his passing, whereas it used  to be the other way around. Perhaps the best part is that neither his early critics nor his true blue fans can feel vindicated by whats happened here; he simply isn't the same player we used to prop up or knock down.

 All of which means that he’s become one of those rare talents in the NFL that you’re allowed to cheer for regardless of how you feel about his team. And given the opportunity to have my cake and eat it, too, I’m choosing to do just that. Hasta, Eagles fandom. Mr. Vick, you remain a weekly appointment.

The Bills. Bad team, incredibly gracious fans. Ultimately, the lack of postseason prospects did them in. 

The Ravens. McFadden’s in Foggy Bottom is a great venue to watch games, what with the crab cake sandwiches and its location right off the Metro. I don’t know what to say. Sometimes you catch feelings for a team, and sometimes you don’t. In this case, I didn't.

The Redskins. Eh. You know where I'm at on this. I've said my piece. I love McNabb,  but the reality of the moment is that he's a bad player being treated badly...and I don't know what to do with that. Well, yes I do: avert my gaze from the entire situation and check back in next year.

So why the Steelers?

For me, it starts with the personnel. 

Here, I'll introduce you: 

Strong Safety Troy Polamalu. He's having a down season by most measures. Still, there's only one way to describe his game, and his hair: buck wild.

Receiver Hines Ward. Veteran with an unapologetically dirty game. As much a contributor to the Steelers’ personality as any player.

Linebacker James Harrison. Another veteran with an unapologetically dirty game, except he may actually kill someone – or go broke trying. 

Ben Roethlisberger. AKA Big Ben. AKA White Mamba. AKA Ben Crotchlessberger. If anyone else has a nickname that makes light of sexual assault, the comment section’s open!

Before I make the last intro, indulge me in an aside: You know how we elected Obama, by all accounts a Gentle Scholar, and now want him to kick the Republicans’ asses up and down the street? Yeah, well. We ordered Gentle Scholar. It’s a fine dish; it just doesn’t satisfy our taste for ass-kicking. May I recommend another when the new menu rolls out? Can I? You ready for it? OK. Here it is:

NUBIAN WAR GOD!!!

HA. That's right. Coach Mike 'BLACK MANHOOD' Tomlin. When I write my non-fiction bestseller How to Enjoy a Long Tenure as an African-American Coach in the NFL Despite the Odds, the first chapter will be called the Mike Tomlin Blueprint: Win Games and Look Cold-Blooded. You see this guy? Does he look like he’s playing games? You think he'd consult the polls on a damn thing? EFF the Pew Research Center, Nubian War God's letting those tax cuts expire, and then taking a long slow whiskey piss all over your tea party. In all seriousness, Tomlin's solid. Hired as the Steelers head coach at age 35, he won the Super Bowl a year later in 2008. This season he watched as not one, not two, but three of his quarterbacks went down to injuries or suspension, and his team still ran roughshod over the AFC. Throw in Crotchlessberger's ongoing health issues and the Steelers' decimated offensive line, and it's fair to say that Tomlin's accomplished as much as any coach in the NFL this season. So yeah. Give him a look 2032, or whenever the fuck. If not him, one of the offspring he spawned while in the form of a bull.

So here we are. I’m a Steelers fan. My quarterback is an alleged rapist, my coach an evolutionary black president, and my haunt, the Tortoise & Hare bar in Crystal City, sports the motto Hop in, Crawl Out. Steelers Nation is wild. There’s no time for me to dip my toe in and test the waters, I’ve got to get wild with it, immediately. This Sunday night we play the Ravens, with whom we share the lead in the AFC North at 8-3.

It’s a crazy rivalry, from what I gather, made more interesting by the fact that it escapes national attention in most years. This isn’t a Battle of the League Darlings a la the Colts versus Patriots, and it doesn’t have the charm of Packers-Vikings or Bears-Packers (as a Midwesterner, I’ve always sensed that outsiders are drawn to the quaintness of Flyover State rivalries). 

Steelers-Ravens is a grind-it-out contest between two cities no one wants to live in, or visit, or drive through at night. It’s hard to even talk about Pittsburgh and Baltimore without a hint of eulogy. In fact, Steelers nation enjoys the league’s most expansive fan diaspora because Pittsburgh's fallen from grace; when steel production jobs dried up in the seventies and eighties, many of its residents sought greener pastures -- and to this day remain in your city, invading all your damn home games. To know the Steelers is to understand that Wounded Might is a dominant theme in its history. Which, when you think about it, should make them America's Team more than the Cowboys ever were.

That’s the bird’s-eye view of the team, with a dose of amateur sociology for good measure.  Understand that there’ll be no more of that from here on out. I’m in the thick of it now.  If next time you hear from me I’m not trying to get out from under a hangover, I didn’t do this coming Sunday Night right. I’ll get back to you around Tuesday December 7^th with the first recap of life within the Black and Gold.